Oh Britney!

So Matt Lauer is interviewing Britney Spears tonight on Dateline NBC (I have it set to record on the DVR). I saw a clip of it this morning, though, on the Today show. What has happened to this girl? Doesn't she have a stylist? Doesn't she have a PR person? This interview is not going to help her cause and have the paparazzi stop hounding her. It just makes her look more pathetic.

Now I've never been a fan of Britney, and I certainly don't feel bad for celebrities that don't have much privacy. (Hey I'm a teacher and get paid NOTHING, but I knew that going into the business so I'm not going to whine about it.) But some part of me does feel sorry for the young girl that didn't have any guidance on making good and appropriate choices. She was encouraged to be a sex symbol and not show too much intelligence. And well, look at where it's gotten her. I mean my 20s were crazy enough, I can't imagine how she must feel. I'm sure she has no idea of who she really is. And what's even more scary is she is a mother and has another on the way. Don't get me even started on how unfair and ridiculous I think this is.

But anyway, I've decided since she obviously doesn't have a stylist or PR person, I am volunteering my services. I'm going to offer 10 suggestions that will help her immensely in the public eye as well as her own life.

1. Stop bringing Sean Preston out in public. If you want the paparazzi to stay away as well as keep your child safe, don't run around town carrying him in your arms. The paparazzi will eventually give up.
2. Stop chewing gum in public, especially during interviews. This is never attractive.
3. Stop it with the hair extensions, especially extra fried super blond ones. You were cute when your hair was short.
4. Get a manicure. Bitten fingernails with the small speck of worn nailpolish looks extra trashy.
5. Start wearing more natual makeup. Frosty eye shadow and lipstick is very 80s, and it's a decade we all regret.
6. After having a child and being pregnant AGAIN, it's time to start wearing longer skirts and pants. That means below the knees. You're not a teenager anymore, honey, you're a mom.
7. Along with the pants, you need to wear tops that cover those pregnant breasts. Bearing that much cleavage only makes you look fat. Granted you're pregnant, but that doesn't mean you have to look unattractive.
8. Stop making shows about your life. "Chaotic" was a mess and did nothing for your image. It only made you look more immature and dumb.
9. Always, and I mean ALWAYS, wear a bra. There is no exception. None. Yup even those "cute" tube tops (which you shouldn't be wearing anyway) need to have support. You're boobs are HUGE and there is no excuse for you not wear a bra. Welcome to your 20s, Britney. They only go down from here.
10. This one is probably obvious, but divorce Kevin Federline. You know you made a mistake, we know you made a mistake. You've only gone downhill since he's entered your life. We'll forgive you and probably respect you more if you make this decision.

No need to thank me, Britney. Just implement these pieces of advice and get on the road to a better life. Your children deserve it.