Almost Candid: September 2007

Attachment parenting is something I never thought I would do. I often found AP parents to be somewhat militant about their beliefs. Always hold your baby, never let your baby cry (if you do, you're a bad parent), breastfeed your baby on-demand, sleep with your baby at your breast through the night, never give your baby a bottle/pacifier only the breast, etc.

But you know what? I might not be an attached parent, but my baby is an attached baby. I now co-sleep with my baby, I nap with my baby at my breast, I hold her the majority of the day, I respond immediately to her cries, I own a sling (although she only stays in it for about a half hour), I didn't introduce a pacifier until 5 weeks old (although she's really not interested in it), I didn't introduce a bottle until she was six weeks old, and she is only bottle fed if I'm not around.

Madeleine is a "sensitive" baby. She is always alert and wants to take in the world at all times. She is so open to all sensations that she has no ability to calm herself to go to sleep. Therefore, she becomes so overtired that she begins to fuss. Here's what I think she's thinking when she's alert and starting to become tired:

"Oh wow! Look at that! Look at Mommy's face! She's talking to me! *Smiling* *Cooing* Oh I'm so excited I need to move my hands and feet around! Ooo! Those arms and feet are really going now! It's too much! I need to slow them down! Ah! I can't slow them down! Oh no! They're going faster! Ack! I just hit myself in the face! Oh no! Mommy's still making faces at me! She's too close! TOO CLOSE! Ah! I just let out a poop! It felt too weird! TOO WEIRD! Oh no! I have the hiccups! Ouch! They hurt too much! Ouch! The reflux! *Starts whimpering* Ack! What's the noise! Oh no! It's me crying! It's too loud! TOO LOUD! *Crying louder* Ahhhhh! There's too much going on! I'm tired! I need to sleep! I can't slow down! Make the noises stop! Make Mommy stop! Help! HELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP! Someone hold me! Stop the arms and legs! NOW! PLEASE! It's getting out of control!"

So we hold Madeleine. We swaddle her tight. In fact, she's too wiggly and strong for the simple "Swaddle Me" blanket. We had to go straight to the "Miracle Blanket" that actually wraps her arms up inside the swaddle before wrapping the whole blanket around her. She's pretty much swaddled 90% of the day because the sensation of her arms and legs are just too much for her. We use the exhaust fan over the stove as a white noise to calm her. The running joke is she needs the sound to quiet the voices in her head. Although that may be funny, it's probably pretty true!

I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and although I like the idea of not letting her be awake for more than two hours (she stays awake one hour tops!), I am completely unable to put her down in her crib/pack 'n play. We tried to put her down in her pack 'n play for three days, and you know what? She got worse. We're only now reversing the side effects of her becoming overtired by this. She needs movement or someone close. Leaving her to "cry it out" will never work (and I didn't believe in this for an infant as young as her anyway). While some infants may whimper and protest a little and then fall asleep, she'll whimper and protest and then that overstimulates her so she'll whimper and protest louder which overstimulates her more and then she's full on crying and now we're in a vicious circle. So although I like the ideas in this book, it probably won't be much use to me until she's about 4 months old.

I also read (still reading) "The Happiest Baby on the Block" (thanks Lisa!!!) and this is probably what is going to work for Madeleine at least for the next month or so. She needs tight wrapping, loud shhhing, lots of jiggling, and lots of sucking. She's not a big fan of the 4th "S" which is side lying. She likes to be up on our shoulder most of the time. Could be the reflux problem. This book says you might have to hold your baby 12 hours out of the day (hello! *raising hand*) but this is a 50% decrease in what she was used to in the womb.

So my baby needs a fourth trimester. Which means I've now become an attached parent, but you know what? Madeleine is happier, more rested, and so are her parents!

So poor baby Madeleine has had a tough go of it since about two weeks old. She's had thrush for over a month now and we're finally on Diflucan to hopefully clear it up for good. My milk supply has also been very "abundant" which causes her to gag, choke, cry, and have a lot of gas. Because of these two things, she hasn't always slept well, and we eventually started holding her in our bed at night so she could stay asleep.

I've been to my pediatrician about seven times in the last month because of these two things. They also diagnosed her with reflux and she's on medication for that.

But here's the thing, I don't think she has reflux now. I've gone from two doses of medicine to one a day and she's perfectly fine. I actually think we've misdiagnosed my oversupply/forceful letdown that was giving her trouble.

So today, after reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, she's finally taking a nap in her pack 'n play. Something she hasn't done in a long time. Of course, it took me 45 minutes of me sitting with her and patting her and putting her pacifier back in her mouth, but she's finally asleep. We even have a whole color coded excel spread sheet showing her awake and sleep times.

Here's hoping this works and we have a much more rested baby (and rested parents) very soon!